Today’s podcast episode is part #4 in our series on Better Boundaries For a Better Life.
Today's episode I'll give you some examples of healthy and not so healthy boundaries and how they work, or don't work in your day to day life.
Now that we have gone over ideas on how boundaries could change things dramatically in your life let’s explore the question: Why is now the best time to start taking action and setting new healthy boundaries in your life?
You could wait a week, a month, even a year and continue to live your life exactly as you are right now, which if you’re honest with yourself is probably not too shabby or uncomfortable or you would’ve already made these changes long ago. But will you be living YOUR LIFE ON YOUR TERMS or just going with the flow indefinitely?
There is no better time than NOW to take back control of YOUR life through boundaries.
Now it's time to dig into the EASY TIPS you can use in every day situations when setting and maintaining your BOUNDARIES:
Surround yourself with supportive people who lift you up.
Sit down and REALLY ask yourself “What do I want my life to look like?”
Live on purpose. Live intentionally.
Ask yourself “What need (of the 6 needs we talked about earlier) am I meeting here and am I meeting that need in a healthy way or not?
When someone does attempt to violate your boundaries:
Offer them an alternative
You can empathize with them
Blame something objective
Blame something subjective
Stick to your guns
Always be CLEAR with your boundaries or when saying NO. Don’t leave room for misinterpretation or confusion. Misleading tends to lead to more favors or pushing back of your boundaries.
Always say NO ON THE SPOT.
Don’t say “I need to think about it”. No you don’t. You know if you can or want to do whatever it is that’s being asked of you so just say so. You can always just say “I’m not interested, but thanks” for example to a pushy salesman.
DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES!!
Don't be mean, just firm.
Avoid being passive aggressive.
Don't compromise your integrity to please others.
When do you KNOW you need to set boundaries?
Simple, If you’re resentful, angry, irritated, annoyed or avoiding someone, it’s most likely because you haven’t set boundaries in that relationship.
If you’re questioning your decisions, second guessing yourself, tolerating people or situations, you need boundaries.
Every relationship should contribute to your life not deplete it.
Every situation (even the ones we don’t always enjoy like house work) should leave us feeling appreciated, valued, or contributory rather than expected, used and undervalued.
Ok, now onto the tactics people use to get you to violate your boundaries or to manipulate you into saying yes in everyday situations, many of which you may not even be aware of:
Whining and complaining.
The Biggest Takeaways from this Episode:
Tactics people use to get you to violate your boundaries and tips to spot them.
The truth about timing with regard to setting new boundaries.
Tips and tools (and yes tactics) you can use to stand your ground with your new boundary.
The biggest mistakes people make with regard to setting and maintaining boundaries with regard to aggressive vs assertive boundary setting and maintaining.
Listener Q&A -hint: we talk about whether or not setting boundaries is selfish and why (and tips for you to spot the feeling and head it off at the pass).
The difference between setting boundaries and shutting people out (and the thin line there is between them).
How setting new boundaries can improve your health (and how NOT setting boundaries is affecting your health NOW).
In what ways are you giving away yourself?
What are you taking that you should be refusing?
How are you meeting 1 or more of your 6 needs in negative ways with regard to boundaries?
What is it that you NEED to say NO to TODAY so that you can say “YES” to the things you TRULY want?
Although setting boundaries can be tough and some days you will want to give up, I will tell you it’s actually much easier than living a life without them.
Once you make the decision that YOUR needs, your feelings, your dreams and your values all matter TOO, it’s done. Then you just let the world know and stick to your guns.
Once you outline the areas where you need to set better boundaries, ie work, family or social settings, then you just need to decide, really decide, not dilly dally or poke it with a stick, just rip the band-aid off. Make yourself a priority. Not the priority, A PRIORITY.
Scroll on up the page, pop this episode into your eardrums and put yourself in the drivers seat of your life.
So, if you want to:
Protect your physical and emotional space from being violated or intruded on.
Be more assertive and confidently and honestly say “yes’ or “no” and be ok when others do so too.
Separate your needs, thoughts, feelings and desires from those of others.
Set a better example for the young people in your life.
Move forward in your career or business rather than staying stuck.
Have reciprocal relationships that meet the needs of everyone involved.
Feel more confident
Be a better leader
If you’re ready to:
EMPOWER YOURSELF to make the best choices for your life.
Take full responsibility and ownership for yourself and your choices.
Stop making excuses for not being happy
Finally reach your full potential in life
Then you are ready to start setting new boundaries and take back your power.
Build a better life by setting and maintaining better BOUNDARIES!
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
I hope you find this episode packed with value and resources that will help you as you do the hard work to build the life you deserve!
Wishing you all the best in your journey to TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE!!
A Little Note From Me
Thank you so very much for tuning into the show!
I know there are a TON of podcasts you could be listening to today, but you chose mine and I am forever grateful for that!
I’d love for you to subscribe to my podcast! I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m going to be including a series of episodes to the mix that are slam dunks to help you get the most traction in your life and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!
Now if you are feeling extra contributory, I would be really grateful if you could leave me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews not only help other people find my podcast, they also give me great feedback as to what you like, don't like and what you would like to hear about on the podcast. They also let me know you are getting value and enjoying the podcast, which is my goal each week. Let me know your favorite topics I discuss on the podcast. Thanks so much!
Your review is not only paramount in helping others discover the show, but I also read each and every submission personally...and they mean the world to me.
So thank you in advance!
Finally, do you have questions about today’s episode or have suggestions for something you would like me to talk about on the podcast?
Drop me an email at Erin@takebackyourlifecoaching.com and let me know.
That’s the best way for me to help clear up any confusion or answer any questions and to ensure I am incorporating everything you need to help you bridge the gap from where you are and where you want to be and start the process towards taking back your life!!