Today’s podcast episode is part #3 in our series on Better Boundaries For a Better Life.
Today's episode we dig into the role guilt plays in boundary setting and maintaining.
We also dive into the role empowerment, and self-care play with your boundaries and we’ll talk about the real reasons behind why you don't have boundaries in the first place.
We also cover the most common mistakes people make when setting and maintaining boundaries and the consequences of those mistakes. A few of these may surprise you.
Understanding why you DON'T have the necessary boundaries you need in your life is a crucial and often revealing first step towards TAKING BACK YOUR LIFE.
Somewhere along the line you, as did I, started to feel unworthy in some respect.
That you're less important, that your needs your feelings and your values belong behind those of other people’s. That you aren't a kind, compassionate person if you make your needs a priority.
Maybe it was a traumatic incident. Maybe you had shitty parenting, or maybe it was just crap friends in middle school. I had plenty of those I could have done without.
Who knows. All I Do know is that in order for me to start to set the boundaries I desperately needed, I had to get real with myself and so will you.
I had to stop coddling myself and STOP making excuses for my own behavior and the behavior of others in my life both personal and professional.
So if you’re struggling with guilt around setting boundaries, which in and of itself is a form of devaluing yourself, just ask yourself when confronted with a situation that makes you feel devalued or even slightly unsure…”Are MY needs being met here too or is this my needs being pushed aside AGAIN?”
Stop being manipulated by your guilt. Stand up for your needs, your feelings, your values.
Guilt is for when you do something wrong. Not for when you value for yourself.
Guilt is a sign of unresolved issues and self-care is healthy and necessary, not just for your well-being, but also for healthy relationships.
Now it's time to dig into the biggest mistakes people make when setting and maintaining their BOUNDARIES:
Not standing your ground when people test your new boundaries, because they will.
Blaming others for your lack of boundaries.
Shutting people out or avoiding them rather than facing your fears by making yourself a priority.
Not being flexible with your boundaries. Rigidity is a form of fear running the show.
Setting boundaries during an argument or emotional moment. It's like saying "I love you" during sex. Probably not the best timing and could end up needing to be back peddled.
Knowing that you need to set boundaries is not always obvious.
Here are some indicators that you are in need of some boundaries in your life:
Maybe you rarely if ever voice your feelings needs or concerns.
Maybe you need to take more personal time for just you.
Maybe you just need to communicate your needs and feelings better.
Maybe you are overly tolerant of negative people in your life.
Maybe you feel overwhelmed and stressed.
The Biggest Takeaways from this Episode:
Getting clear on the indications that you do need new boundaries (and they may be subtle).
The truth behind guilt and why it can and often does get in the way of our boundaries and how to break that cycle.
The harsh effects of not having boundaries on your relationships.
The biggest mistakes people make with regard to setting and maintaining boundaries.
The role that self-care plays in our boundaries (hint: it's not selfish to put your care on the list).
Actionable tips you can use TODAY to start setting your boundaries.
You can stop feeling guilty.
You can stop feeling selfish for putting your needs and feelings on the list.
You can have healthier relationships.
You can feel in control of your own life for a CHANGE.
This week’s episode digs deep into not only why we struggle setting and then maintaining our boundaries but also I also give you a heads up as to the pitfalls to avoid and how to put your self-care on the list.
If you're serious about breaking the patterns and habits that drain and frustrate you and start the process towards healthy boundaries that will help you build a life that is more rewarding and fulfilling:
Scroll on up the page, pop this episode into your eardrums and put yourself in the drivers seat of your life.
Imagine what your life could be like if you didn't feel guilty all the time.
Imagine what your energy levels would feel like if you weren't always stressed out or overwhelmed.
Imagine what goals and dreams you could achieve if you had the ability to confidently assert yourself and stand up for your ideas, feelings and needs.
Remember: It is NOT selfish to say no. It is not selfish to put your needs on the to-do list. It is not selfish to love yourself and make your feelings, needs and values a priority in YOUR LIFE.
So forget about guilt, stop tolerating negative Nellie's and stop sabotaging yourself. Get some traction in your life starting right NOW!
BOUNDARIES are NECESSARY in EVERY SINGLE interaction you may have, no matter how seemingly inconsequential it may seem at the time.
Think about your relationships, family members, friends, colleagues, even neighbors. Think about your interactions with others. Are they contributory to your life or do they stress you out or leave you feeling drained? Do you find yourself biting your tongue? Do you mumble to yourself more often than not " I should have..."?
When you do voice your needs, your feelings, your values, are you boundaries respected? Are your needs validated? Does your voice matter?
Do you fight the guilt that comes with saying no or when setting limits on your time or energy? Do you tolerate behaviors you wish you didn't?
Break the habit today and put YOURSELF on the to-do list for a change.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
I hope you find this episode packed with value and resources that will help you as you do the hard work to build the life you deserve!
Wishing you all the best in your journey to TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE!!
A Little Note From Me
Thank you so very much for tuning into the show!
I know there are a TON of podcasts you could be listening to today, but you chose mine and I am forever grateful for that!
I’d love for you to subscribe to my podcast! I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m going to be including a series of episodes to the mix that are slam dunks to help you get the most traction in your life and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!
Now if you are feeling extra contributory, I would be really grateful if you could leave me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews not only help other people find my podcast, they also give me great feedback as to what you like, don't like and what you would like to hear about on the podcast. They also let me know you are getting value and enjoying the podcast, which is my goal each week. Let me know your favorite topics I discuss on the podcast. Thanks so much!
Your review is not only paramount in helping others discover the show, but I also read each and every submission personally...and they mean the world to me.
So thank you in advance!
Finally, do you have questions about today’s episode or have suggestions for something you would like me to talk about on the podcast?
Drop me an email at Erin@takebackyourlifecoaching.com and let me know.
That’s the best way for me to help clear up any confusion or answer any questions and to ensure I am incorporating everything you need to help you bridge the gap from where you are and where you want to be and start the process towards taking back your life!!